You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
NoShamevember. You game?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
