My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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