she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
