you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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