No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
