my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's always time for handjobs
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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