How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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