It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
