I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
