Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
