next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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