OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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