I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
