I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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