Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
