Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
