Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
