so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
