I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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