that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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