apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
