we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
