Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
