Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
