Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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