I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
