Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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