You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
