I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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