forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
