Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Shame - the story of my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
