I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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