And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
