Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
