she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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