...so i touched it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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