i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
