My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
