please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
