I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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