listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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