Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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