Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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