Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
