were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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