I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
