he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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