the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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