I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
