I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your dad touched me again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
