1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
BRING THE BAGELS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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