the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
